a play written in the neo-futuristic aesthetic | shared in evy's notebook

[i start the beep test, as described here, and continue running until i can't keep going or the play ends. the beeps start every 4 seconds and speed up every 8 beeps, eventually reaching 2.75 seconds between beeps. the distance i'm running is about 17 feet]

In middle school gym class, we had to do this thing called the beep test. It goes like this: every time you hear a beep you run across the room, and you have to get there before the next beep. The beeps speed up until you can't do it anymore or you give up.

[pause talking until another beep passes]

We did the beep test at the start of semester and then again at the end, and we had this project where we were supposed to design an exercise plan to improve our score. I got a good grade on this project, partially because I didn't try very hard the first time I ran. It's a good trick -- if you set expectations low, it can look like you've improved a lot.

[pause talking for a beep]

Sometimes, I'll create something and I'll think it's amazing and other people will tell me it's amazing. Which is great, right? But then I become paralyzed and can't create anything new because I want it to be just as good as the thing everyone loved, or better. An anxious part of me feels the need to always be improving.

So since this is the first play I'm performing for this class, maybe I shouldn't make it very good, so that you don't expect too much of me, so that *I* don't expect too much of me.

But it's kinda too late -- I took a class last year and I already wrote plays that I really liked and that other people really liked. And I think I'd like to be a neofuturist some day so I really want to feel like I'm improving.

[pause talking for a beep]

But it's hard to measure improvement in creative work. It's not like I can count the beeps. And I know that thinking about it this way isn't really helping me.

[stop running if i haven't already]

I don't want to push myself. I just want to be here and have a good time.