To avoid the discomfort of anxiety, I stopped hosting events for a period of time. I'm easing back into it, hosting a monthly craft night at my house for the last several months. I've made some intentional choices and iterations, and wanted to share some reflections here:
having a purpose: The Art of Gathering talks about having a purpose for an event. My main purpose for craft night is to build community among people who live near me (ideally walking distance, but mostly within SF). I want more creative friends who live near me, and I want those friends to be able to get to know each other too. Other purposes include: working on my anxiety around hosting by running and iterating on a simple event, putting aside time to work on creative projects and helping others do the same, and building extended community around the house I live in.
setting up a low barrier to crafting: I provide art materials, so that people don't need to have an idea to come. Coloring books are a great "easy" activity, and I have some acrylic paint markers that are really satisfying to draw and color with. I've also laid out fuse beads, watercolor paints, collage materials, and legos.
a reflection on attendee self-sufficiency: A lot of people bring their own art projects to craft night, and I've really enjoyed the vibe of sharing space with people who have projects they're excited to work on and tell us about. It helps me feel more relaxed as a host knowing that many attendees are fairly self-sufficient in setting up a good experience for themselves.
setting out refreshments: More recently I've been setting up a tea station and some snacks. I had always thought this more of a bonus and not necessary for an event, but it's given me surprising peace of mind as a host. Maybe it's that it sets a tone of caring for the guests. Or maybe it's the way it gives attendees an excuse to leave their seat and move around.
limiting attendees: I use Partiful to track RSVPs with 15 spots, but a few months ago several people brought un-RSVP'd plus ones (including me!) or came despite not marking themselves as attending. The living room overflowed, tables running out of space for art supplies and crafters tripping over each other as they navigated to the bathroom. Several of my friends left because they were feeling overstimulated by the noise and social energy. I decided to update the event description to say: "please only come if you've RSVP'd going, to allow for space to craft and for chill vibes for the easily overstimulated <3". I also changed the cap to 12, partially to allow space for my housemates to still be able to drop in without RSVPing.
a reflection on rules: I've often felt nervous about being strict at events, and don't want to tell people what to do or prevent people from bringing a plus one. I want to be chill and fun. But I recently read The Art of Gathering, which features a chapter called Don't Be a Chill Host, and I've been trying to be firmer about creating the event that I think I (and many of my guests) would enjoy. Three examples of this are (1) not letting people play music (also to reduce overstimulation), (2) firmly limiting the number of guests, (3) asking people to leave when the event ends. I've felt nervous about being more strict, but so far it feels like it's had a hugely positive impact on the event.
inviting people: When I meet friendly people who I think I'd get along with, I'm very quick to ask them if they like crafting and would like to come to craft night. I've invited people I've met at bookstores, bonfires, and walking through the park. It's a bit scary to invite people I don't know very well, who might not know other people at the event very well -- but so far it's worked out well and has helped me gain confidence in intuiting who I'd like to spend time with.
introducing people to each other: I like explicitly introducing people to each other, including how I know each of them, and I think it helps a lot for people being able to start and join conversations. This works especially well when the group is fewer than 15 people, and when people show up gradually over the event and I can introduce each person to the group as they arrive.
There are some things I can't (or don't want to) control when hosting -- which people decide to show up and when, how they're feeling when they get here, how they feel about the crafts they're working on, the conversations people have. But there's a lot that I can do to help an event fun (for me, and for the other attendees), and I can tell that it's getting better over time. I'm proud of myself for doing this experiment, even though a few of the first events were hard for me, and I'm curious to see what else I learn over time!